


chrysalis

by HQcharbon (fleurdelester)



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Canon Compliant, Character Study, Gen, Light Angst, M/M, Manga Spoilers, bug metaphors, everyone has impact on kageyama's growth but hinata has the most impact, indulgent use of commas, nothing more intense than 387
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-26
Updated: 2020-11-26
Packaged: 2021-03-09 23:34:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,085
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27724231
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fleurdelester/pseuds/HQcharbon
Summary: Kageyama Tobio, explored through the butterfly life cycle.
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio, Kageyama Kazuyo & Kageyama Tobio, Kageyama Tobio & Karasuno Volleyball Club
Comments: 11
Kudos: 50





	chrysalis

**Author's Note:**

> I'm aware this is kind of niche but I was really interested in exploring how Kageyama has this closed off aura about him at the beginning of the series. The caterpillar metaphor just built itself from there. 
> 
> Read and enjoy!

When Kageyama Tobio was in second grade, his class learned about caterpillars.

It was a fun project suggested by their teacher to learn about the butterfly life cycle, where the class would all go outside into the park near the school and try to find one to keep in the classroom. He and his classmates had been thrilled to get to explore the bushes, on the hunt high and low looking for a fuzzy creature they could call their own.

Tobio had found one eventually, the little brown thing chewing through the leaf it rested on, hiding from the harsh sun in the shadow of another plant. He called over his teacher, the whole class gathering around as they were shown how to carefully clip the leaf it rested on without disturbing it too much.

He watched as the stem was snipped, much further down so that there would be lots of leaves to serve as food for their new friend.

“Tobio, could you collect more leaves?” his teacher had asked, seeing how Tobio’s eyes were lit up brightly at the idea of being given a special role. Kageyama nodded quickly, running off with his classmates to collect lots of branches and leaves. He fidgeted the entire way back to his classroom, walking two by two with his classmates until they reached their seats.

The teacher put the caterpillar in a bug cage with glass walls and a net on the top, so that all the students could see. They had to decide on a name next, which had everyone yelling out random names at the teacher. Tobio didn’t care about which name they gave the caterpillar, so he didn’t protest when they eventually decided on “fuzzy” (though he did think it was a bit uncreative). He was mostly excited at the idea of keeping a bug in their classroom.

Then, the teacher gave a long lecture, which Tobio liked less, but he was still excited to learn about the caterpillar they’d be keeping. There were many drawings and diagrams, showing the caterpillar eating leaves, forming a cocoon, and then eventually becoming a butterfly.

When he was walking home from school that day, Kazuyo-san and Miwa by his side, he told them all about the class project.

“It’s so cool that they make a cocoon!” he exclaimed, grabbing the straps of his backpack to keep himself from waving his arms around as he talked. “It’s like they shut themselves out from everything around them and then all the sudden they become a butterfly!”

“That’s not how it works, you know,” Miwa interrupts him. “When they’re in the cocoon they basically turn to caterpillar goo before they turn into a butterfly.”

Tobio’s jaw dropped.

“Is that true?” He asked, looking up at Kazuyo-san with wide eyes.

Kazuyo-san nods, “They do that so that they can build themselves back up to be butterflies.”

Kageyama’s eyes sparkle as he launches into asking questions a mile a minute, but all he gets is a chuckle from his grandfather, and later that week, a book about caterpillars.

And so he begins taking notes.

-

  1. _When caterpillars are born, they’re very hungry_



When Kageyama was a child, his whole life revolved around volleyball. There are pictures of him, not even a year old, holding his sister’s volleyball, his little arms barely able to wrap around it but still holding it with a vice grip. His grandfather was a coach, so when he was just three, and it was long before his parents would be home, he accompanied him to practice.

He loved everything about volleyball. The lights of the gym, shining so bright that it made his eyes shine. The bright colours of the court, the uniforms, the volleyballs. The distinctive smell of sweat, leather and icy hot spray. The sounds of shoes squeaking on the floor, balls being slammed across the court and feet slapping the floor as players jumped.

Tobio wanted to take it all in, none of it would ever be enough. He wanted to learn more and more and more.

And so he does.

First, he just sits on the side of the gym with his sister, or some of the players on his grandfather’s team, passing the ball back and forth.

Eventually, he joins a team, the little falcons. It’s thrilling to get to play in a team, to be able to apply everything he’s learnt from his grandfather in a real game. He’s good too, being praised by coaches and spectators alike for his advanced skills. He thinks its mostly due to his grandfather exposing him so early.

Even with all the playing, he still feels like he hasn’t had enough contact with the ball, he still wants more, so he proudly declare to his grandfather that that’ll be his position from now on.

-

  1. _At some point, caterpillars stop eating._



If volleyball was food, Tobio never stopped eating, not really. All throughout elementary and middle school he kept eating, kept playing volleyball.

He kept at it when Miwa quit, all because she didn’t want to cut her hair. He kept at it when his senpai wouldn’t teach him anything. And he kept at it when Kazuyo grew weaker and weaker, spending more time in the hospital than out of it.

But even though he continued, volleyball became something less and less fun. He felt that the longer he played, the more it felt like something that he just did. Maybe it was because he had gone from practicing in his backyard with Miwa and Kazuyo to standing in an empty gym, balls scattered across the floor.

His teammates started avoiding him too, every time he approached someone after practice was over, he was turned down, and sometimes they would even hurry to leave the gym before he could ask. 

_I guess I’ll just practice serves then.._

He ended up practicing his serves a lot. His teammates complained about his sets, how they were too fast, too high, but they never wanted to stay after official practice was better to help him fix them. Kindaichi always furrowed his brow and told him no whenever he asked, and Kunimi was gone before he could even open his mouth.

His serves did get better, but his teammates still didn’t like his sets, which made him sad. Sets were his favourite thing, thinking back to when his grandfather told him the setter gets to touch the ball the most.

Kazuyo-san ended up in the hospital more than he ever was before. Tobio can’t even remember the last time he was staying at home. He wanted to tell him all about volleyball, ask him for advice on how to help fix his sets, but Kazuyo-san always seemed tired these days. He kept quiet, letting his grandfather rest and telling him about what he learned in school instead.

“Tell me Tobio,” he asked one day, when Tobio was sitting on a chair next to his hospital bed. “Do you have friends at school?”

He shook his head no. “They all think I’m weird since I don’t have any video games. And Kindaichi and Kunimi are on the volleyball team with me, but I don’t think that they’re my friends.”

Kazuyo-san sighs in his bed, letting his eyes droop closed. “Promise me you’ll try to make friends soon, then.”

Who was he to ever deny his grandfather anything? “Yeah. I’ll try.”

-

Months pass, practice continues the way it had been, Kazuyo-san doesn’t come home from the hospital, Tobio plays against an orange haired captain that shocks his world with his passion, his determination to win even though he has absolutely no technical skills.

He tells Kazuyo-san about him, the day after the match, but his eyes are closed and he doesn’t even know if he’s still listening.

_If you get really good, I promise someone even better will come find you._

He wonders when he’ll meet that person, but his teammates still can’t keep up with him, so he doesn’t think he he’s really good yet. He’s not good enough for his someone better yet.

It spirals downward from there. His teammates turn his back on him in the middle of the game, and he has to stop playing. They lose the match. Then Miwa accompanies him to the hospital, tells him that they don’t have a lot of time left with their grandfather.

He feels empty at the funeral. Miwa rents him a suit, and it feels stiff and itchy against his skin. Others might have cried at the mountain of flowers surrounding Kazuyo-san’s picture, but he doesn’t. It hasn’t sunk in for him yet.

He can feel the walls closing in around him, separating him from the outside world.

-

  1. _The chrysalis is formed._



_“You know Tobio,”_ Kazuyo-san had said when they walked home together, after that first class in second grade, _“When a caterpillar forms its cocoon, its not to separate it from the rest of the world, but to make it stronger.”_

Tobio certainly feels more like he’s put walls up around himself, differentiating himself from the rest of the world. He doesn’t really feel like he’s getting stronger, so he’s doubtful Kazuyo was right.

He doesn’t feel things the way he used to. His so-called friends stop talking to him, and all he feels is the leather of the ball against his hand as he practices serves, His name isn’t on the list of accepted students into Shiratorizawa and all he feels is the January wind piercing through his jacket. He enrolls in Karasuno, and instead of feeling hope at a fresh start, all he feels is emptiness.

He goes to the gym to practice serves on the first day of school, because when is he not practicing serves these days? He fails the first few times, getting the timing wrong or not using the right amount of force for his serve toss. He finally throws one that feels really good, when a voice yelling out into the gym breaks his concentration, and the ball bounces off his skull.

_“What are you doing here?”_

It turns out that Hinata Shouyou, the orange haired captain he played in middle school is going to be his new teammate. They definitely don’t get along at first, being thrown out of the gym by their new captain before they can officially join the club, but they eventually manage to tolerate each other enough to work together.

As they’re practicing for the 3 on 3, and Hinata has already been matching his receives for 20 minutes, Hinata dives across the gym to receive an impossible ball. Kageyama feels the determination radiating off of him and raises his hands to a set.

When Hinata spikes, a big smile on his face, Kageyama thinks he feels, for the first time in months, something like warmth.

-

Slowly, he feels change start to happen. Through the actions of his teammates, his worldview begins to broaden, and he feels their acceptance shining through the barrier that still stands thick around him.

He finds that Hinata is a beacon too bright to shy away from, and he feels drawn to him, even from inside.

Through learning to work with Hinata, his whole worldview is challenged. He’s never been close to someone like he is to Hinata before. They argue all the time, make bets over petty things, and race wherever they go. Yet he still feels happier than he’s ever been when Hinata’s around.

It’s like Hinata keeps pushing on his walls, trying to edge his way in, but Tobio doesn’t yield. He still keeps himself cocooned away, he’s not ready yet. 

-

  1. _The caterpillar breaks down._



_“That’s not how it works, you know,” Miwa interrupts him. “When they’re in the cocoon they basically turn to caterpillar goo before they turn into a butterfly.”_

They lose, in the inter high prelims, to Aoba Johsai. Tobio apologizes, it was his fault they lost the match, Oikawa was able to read his plays too easily. Hinata pushes back, yelling at him not to apologize, and he feels the beginnings of a crack in his shell.

A few weeks later, they get into a fight. A real one, where they push at each others ribs and throw each other across the gym.

“I need to be able to fight on my own!” Hinata screams, his arms clutching Tobio like he doesn’t plan on ever letting go.

He doesn’t get it, why Hinata isn’t listening. Doesn’t he realize how selfish he’s being? And how no one wants to be on a team with you when you’re selfish like that?

Tanaka eventually comes to separate them, and he walks home alone with a band aid stuck to his cheek. It feels like a futile effort to fix his wounds, which run far deeper than the scratches Hinata’s nails had left when he had grabbed Kageyama’s face too hard.

He feels like he’s been broken down to his very core, like if he tried to reach inside and find himself, he’d be nothing but a mess of goo. He think’s back to his caterpillars, and how they too destroy themselves when they’re trying to become butterflies.

This is just a step, he reminds himself. It’s just temporary, it’s the same as the caterpillars.

He tries to grasp at the broken pieces, build himself back up. He goes to Oikawa for advice, works with his coach on a new type of toss. He practices, practices, practices.

He gets discouraged, once, at their Tokyo training camp when he subconsciously sends Hinata a toss that’s a parabolic curve, rather than the falling toss he’d promised. One that’s easier to hit.

But Hinata doesn’t let him back down. 

_“Don’t give up, Kageyama!”_

So he tries and tries again until he can get it right, and when he can finally make the ball stop midair just in time for Hinata to hit it, he feels a rush of adrenaline when the ball slams on the other side of the court, silence erupting from the gym.

Hinata blinks up at him as they stare at each other in shock, the realization of what they’d accomplished settling in. And he erupts in a smile.

And on his, back, he feels the start of something that feels like wings.

-

When he was young, Kageyama thought it must have been lonely for his classroom caterpillar when it was in its cocoon. It spent weeks and weeks in there, by itself, while it deconstructed itself into nothing.

He finds that for the first time in a while, he’s not alone. He has a team, a good one that trusts him and wants him to succeed.

His third year senpai are nothing but encouraging, cheering him on when he’s doing his best, never getting mad when he’s having an off day.

Tsukishima, and Yachi help him study and pass his classes.

Yamaguchi brings him to the nurses’ office when he gets a nosebleed from taking a volleyball to his face.

It’s like the rest of his teammates have already turned into butterflies, and instead of being mad that he’s not like them, they encourage him to catch up.

Hinata, he thinks, helps him the most. He’s the only person on the team he feels he can truly be himself around. His worries about volleyball are shared by Hinata, his hunger to get better is matched and they stay far longer after practice than they should, his competitive nature is met by someone who’s even _more_ competitive than he is.

It’s like they’re a match made to be, constantly chasing each other, pushing each other.

Kageyama just happens to be ahead when he gets an invitation to the National Youth camp.

On the shinkansen to Tokyo, he stares at the bare trees of early December and lets his mind drift. He’s been performing well lately, he knows this. He can hear it in the praises sung to him by his coach and teammates, by the way his body feels when he plays, by the overenthusiastic yells Hinata lets out when they nail a quick in practice.

He wonders, as the train starts to slow, if this camp will be his big moment, where he’ll finally break free and join everyone else in flying.

However, once he arrives, he learns that Miya Atsumu will throw a wrench in his plan.

_“You’re a goody two shoes, aren’t ya?”_

And just like that, he feels that numb, empty feeling he first felt so long ago on that warm summer day when he walked home with a band aid on his face. It’s not as intense now, but he still feels like he’s melting again, like he’s regressing.

He’d spent all this time building himself back up, shaping himself with words of advice from Coach Ukai and Oikawa, _are you even giving the shrimp the tosses he wants? The best set is one that’s easy for a spiker to hit_.

Had he been wrong all this time? Miya was successful, clearly, having placed second in the nation in that summer’s inter-high. He seemed to think he always knew what was best, even telling Tobio that anyone who can’t hit his sets just plain sucks.

He sounds like he sets the way Tobio did in middle school, only Miya Atsumu hasn’t been called the king of the court, hasn’t been left to practice alone because no one could keep up with him, hasn’t turned around to find that no one had jumped for his toss, that no one was there.

He feels hollow as he looks up at the ceiling later that night, his muscles sore from leaving in a hurry without properly stretching them. He thinks that surely, things must go wrong when a caterpillar turns into a butterfly, but they usually turn out all right.

He hopes he will too.

-

  1. _A mature butterfly emerges from the chrysalis, ready to take on the world._



On a mid-December day, in his high school volleyball gym, Kageyama Tobio finally emerged from his chrysalis.

Perhaps it had been like the caterpillars, who just have an innate sense of when to crawl out from their chitin prisons. More likely, it was an orange haired teammate ripping the chrysalis apart with his bare hands when he slammed a towel crown onto his head, revealing that the butterfly inside had been fully formed for a while now, just no one had been able to recognize it.

And now, with his teammates by his side, Kageyama Tobio finally, finally flies.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading! leave a kudos or a comment if you enjoyed, and as always find me on twitter @HQcharbon


End file.
